


Because of you

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Within Temptation (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: "And just at that moment Tarja was done cleaning the board. She turned around, caught Sharon's smile ... and smiled back."Another teacher x student story, this time with Tarja and Sharon. I hope you'll enjoy it!
Relationships: Sharon den Adel/Tarja Turunen
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Everyone was whispering.

Sharon pulled the turtle neck of her pullover up to her nose but it didn't help. Everyone knew her and what she had done. No one would oversee her today. And the next days or weeks. Or months ...

Why couldn't she just change school?

She lowered her head and entered the school building, walking to her locker.

With an aching heart she noticed Robert and Mona, who leant against their lockers and looked at her with pure shock. They had been so close before, especially Robert and her. But now ... everything was a mess.

Sharon turned around and went to the principal's office as her mother had told her to. She could gather her stuff later.

Carefully she knocked at the office door and entered.

She quickly noticed that Mr Meijer was still occupied with someone and sat down in the anteroom, watching the back of the woman in the office.

She wasn't very tall and had long, black hair that was tied back in a pony tail. Her jeans and shirt were black too.

Was she the mother of someone? She seemed to have a discussion with Mr Meijer, who ended it though as he saw Sharon through the glass. Sharon stood up as he dismissed the woman, who turned around and walked outside.

Their eyes met and Sharon's heart jumped a little.

She was ... _beautiful._

Her lips curled into a light smile as she looked at the younger girl, which caused a strange feeling in Sharon's stomach.

Her eyes were bright green and her face had a very interesting shape but before Sharon could take a closer look at her, she was gone.

Confused she turned around and stared after her. Wow.

"Sharon?" Mr Meijer called her inside and Sharon looked at him.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she closed the door behind her. Her face felt hot, hopefully the principal hadn't noticed that she had stared at that woman.

"Sit down," the principal sighed in return and Sharon lowered herself on the chair. "So ... welcome back."

Mr Meijer was a very nice man. Sharon liked him but right now he obviously didn't know what to do. Sharon remained quiet. "How are you...?" the man now asked and the girl shrugged.

"I'm good. But no one believes me."

"Hm," the principal said and leaned forward. "Sharon, I want you to visit the counselor twice a week -"

"I'm already seeing a therapist," Sharon said but the principal didn't seem to care.

"If you want to go here again, you need to do something against your depression or whatever it is."

"I don't have a depression," Sharon said calmly. "I cut my arms because of boredom, I didn't try to kill myself."

How often had she said that sentence during the last weeks? And no one had ever believed her.

"Sharon," Mr Meijer said carefully, "I'm glad you can talk about it that open, I am sure you mean what you say because you don't have a reason to kill yourself ... but we can't do anything else than offer you every help we can."

The school bell rang and Sharon stood up.

"Stay," the principal said and Sharon sat back again.

"I have an English lesson now."

"Your teacher will understand." Once again the principal sighed. "Sharon, I am really shocked. You are one of the best students here, you are a wonderful singer and you have many friends. Why would you end your life?"

"I didn't try to, really!" Sharon called out. "It was ... it's a complicated story." Sharon lowered her look again. She couldn't tell anyone ... "I wanted to numb my feelings. But I didn't want to kill myself."

"Which feelings, Sharon? You can tell me."

"I can't even tell my mum," Sharon mumbled. "Or Robert."

"Speaking of Robert," Mr Meijer said carefully, "he was really, really worried about you. Every day he asked when you would come back. He's a really good friend. You should tell him about those feelings. I'm sure he understands."

Sharon wanted to scream. No one understood her, no one ever would!  
But instead she shrugged. "Yes. I guess I'll tell him. But first he needs to talk to me again."

"He will come around. He is still really shocked, Sharon." Mr Meijer tried to smile encouraging. "Everyone here thinks you're suicidal."

"I have noticed," Sharon said and grabbed her bag. "May I go now?"

"Sure," Mr Meijer said. "But before you go - Miss van Leeuwen had an accident and won't be able to teach until next year."

"Oh no," Sharon said with wide eyes. Miss van Leeuwen was her favourite teacher. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"A car accident after Christmas. She's alright, really. But she needs a lot time to recover."

"Okay," Sharon said and sighed in relief. "Bye, then."

"Have a nice day and don't forget your appointment with the counselor tomorrow at two," Mr Meijer called after her but Sharon ignored him.

A counselor! What a stupid idea. She already had a therapist she didn't need. Of course Sharon would go to these appointments and try to convince him that she really wasn't suicidal.

No one believed her, no one she had told. Not her mother, not her best friend Mona.

Of course she hadn't told them the whole story ... the whole story she rather wanted to forget.

Deep in thoughts she walked to her class room.

How was Sylvie? She hadn't picked up her phone ever since the incident between them. Ever since they had stolen a bottle of vodka form the store. They had emptied it at Sharon's house, cut their arms together in a very drunken state and exchanged their deepest secrets. They had started to kiss and do more and more ... but as Sharon's mother had come home, Sylvie was gone. She had left Sharon back alone in her bed, dried blood on her arms and on the bed sheets and an empty vodka bottle on the floor.

Of course Sharon's mother had thought that her daughter had tried to commit suicide. Sharon understood her mother's concern but she hated her for not believing her. And she hated Sylvie for leaving her alone and not answering her phone anymore when Sharon tried to call. They had told each other their secrets, they had spent a night together ... why didn't she want to talk to her anymore?

Sharon bit back her tears as she reached the class.

_No! Not now. Cry later. You need to open the door now!_

Sharon did and immediately forgot why she even had wanted to cry.

They had a substitute teacher for Miss van Leeuwen ... and that substitute was no one else than the beautiful woman from before. The beautiful black haired and green-eyed woman ... She wasn't a mother, she was a teacher.

Sharon stared at her as she came closer, her bright eyes shining. Her smile was directed to her.

"Hi!"

"Hello," Sharon said in Dutch. "Sorry. I was at the principal's office ..."

"I don't speak Dutch," the woman said with an apologising look. "That's why I teach English."

"Oh," Sharon made. "Sorry." She repeated the sentence in English and the woman smiled.

"I know, I saw you there!"

Wow ... Sharon tried hard not to faint. Her knees felt weak and her heart was jumping in excitement.

And then the woman offered her hand to the student, who carefully took it. Her hand was soft and small and Sharon's mouth went open.  
Wow.

"I'm Tarja," the woman said. "You can call me by my first name, everyone does."

Sharon looked at her. Tarja had rolled the "R" of her name so immensely, she wasn't sure if she could do it too.

"Tarja?" Sharon tried and Tarja laughed.

What a laugh ... like wind chimes.  
Sharon swallowed.

"You'll get there. It's not easy, I know. I'm from Finland."

Sharon nodded. She didn't know what to say.

"And what's your name?" Tarja asked. "Or do you want me to assign a name for you? I've done this with a few students in here because I couldn't remember their names. But be aware, I'll give you a Finnish name!"

Sharon had to smile. "Sharon," she said quietly. She couldn't say more than her name. She was so nervous all of a sudden. That woman was ... incredible.

"Sharon, what a beautiful name. I'll definitely remember that one." And again Tarja smiled at her. "There's an empty chair next to Ramona, maybe you could take seat."

Only now Sharon remembered that they weren't alone.

Quickly she turned away from the woman, hoping again that no one had noticed that she had almost started to drool. Then again, she was said to be suicidal, no one would care about her, acting weird in front of a teacher ...

Like a zombie she walked to the empty chair next to Mona ... _her_ empty chair. Mona had left it empty in case she'd come back, she had promise her one time she had visited her friend at the hospital.

She let herself fall on the chair, wondering if Mona was angry. Or disappointed. Probably she was just sad ...

Not even her best friend believed her. Why on earth would she get smashed with Sylvie and then cut her arms in boredom? Sharon hadn't told them the whole truth, no one. Just as she had told the principal. It was a secret she had to keep.

Sharon followed the beautiful teacher with her eyes. Those next months would be very hard for her, she noticed. Tarja was talking but Sharon didn't understand what she was saying.

She could only look at her ass, how it moved while she walked. What a perfect, little ass...

Sharon forced herself to look away, 'cause what if she noticed!?

Slowly her eyes travelled to the upper part of her body. She was quite tiny, Sharon had noticed that she was definitely smaller than her. How old she was? Sharon guessed around thirty. If she was married? Or if she had a boyfriend? Or ... a girlfriend?

No. A woman like her definitely wasn't gay. Who knew, though? Everyone else also thought that Sharon was interested in men, no one knew about her preference for women, well, no one but Sylvie.

Sometimes you couldn't see when people were different. Sharon looked like a sweet and nice girl, what she was. She looked like a good student, what she was. But as soon as she told people that she liked listening to metal and that she sang in a metal band, they would say "What?! You don't look like you listen to metal."

And just like that, she also didn't look like a lesbian. Because they always had side cuts, a nose ring, baggy pants and spat on sideways. Sharon couldn't be angrier about clichés and that was another reason why no one knew.

So that teacher could be everything. Maybe she wasn't even interested in a sexual relationship at all? Could be too and no one would see it.

The rest of the lesson she only looked at Tarja and imagined her to be a thirty year old secretly lesbian metalhead who spent her weekends in gay bars, kissing younger girls like her ...

Sharon had never been to a gay bar but suddenly she knew exactly what she would do upcoming weekend.

•

"Hey," a quiet voice said as the bell rang, announcing the end of the English lesson. Sadly.

Sharon looked to her left and noticed Mona, who was avoiding her look. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," Sharon said. "Really. What about you?"

"Could be better, I missed you," Mona said, still very quietly.

"I missed you too," Sharon said and smiled at her friend gently. "And Robert? Why doesn't he talk to me?"

"He's very concerned," Mona sighed. "Give him time. He ... he likes you a lot."

Sharon's heart ached. "Yes ... Okay."

"But he wants to keep up the band." Now Mona grinned. "He has written so many songs, oh my god. But he needs your help with the music. He won't ask you though, you know him. So maybe ... Maybe you could speak to him first?"

"Sure, I will," Sharon promised and stood up, taking her bag. "Ready for maths?"

"No," Mona groaned and Sharon laughed.

She turned around and saw that Tarja was still at the front, cleaning the black board. And once again her eyes came to hang on her backside.  
What a perfect backside ...

"She's such a cool teacher," Mona suddenly said and Sharon tore her eyes away.

"Huh?"

"Tarja," Mona whispered. "She's amazing. Everyone loves her."

 _Gee_ _,_ _I_ _wonder_ _why,_ Sharon thought sarcastically and smiled.

And just at that moment Tarja was done cleaning the board. She turned around, caught Sharon's smile ... and smiled back.


	2. Chapter 2

After school Sharon was leaning against the locker like Ramona and Robert had done before. With a small smile she watched Robert come out of the restroom. He was rummaging around in his school bag while walking towards his lockers, obviously not noticing her. Only as he came to stand next to her, he noticed. He looked up and stared at her.

"Hi, Rob," Sharon said gently and Robert backed away a bit.

"Hi ... Sharon."

"How are you?" Sharon asked casually and smiled. She knew that he loved her smile ...

But Robert looked away. "I'm fine."

"Rob ...," Sharon whispered and placed her hand on her friend's left upper arm. "Hey. Look at me."

Robert bit his lip and slowly lifted his head, looking at her with glassy eyes. "Why?" he whispered.

"It's such a long story," Sharon said and pulled the younger teen in an embrace. "You wouldn't understand."

"I consider you my best friend," Robert mumbled against Sharon's temple. "Or maybe even more. It hurts a lot to see that you don't trust me."

"I do, I surely do," Sharon said and closed her eyes. "But ... it's so complicated. All you have to know is that I didn't want to kill myself. And you have to believe me."

Robert nodded. "I believe you, Shonnie."

Sharon smiled as he said her nickname. Slowly they pulled apart and Sharon grinned at her friend. "Heard you need some help with the music?"

"Yes." Robert took her hand in his. Together they walked outside and to the bus. "Let's meet with the guys tomorrow after school?"

Sharon nodded and smiled. Everything was like before ... well, almost. "I'll be a little late, though. Mr Meijer forces me to meet the counselor tomorrow."

"Oh," Robert said. "Well, try to convince him that you're okay."

Sharon laughed. "I will do just that. Tell me what I've missed."

On their short way from the school building to the bus station, Sharon and Robert crossed no one else than Tarja.

While Robert talked, Sharon looked at her. She was standing in front of a black BMW, a mobile phone pressed against her ear. She was talking fast and probably in Finnish.

Robert's voice faded away as they got closer and Sharon tried to catch what Tarja was saying.

But it was definitely in Finnish, she didn't understand anything.

Tarja saw her, saw _them_. Her eyes travelled down to their entwined hands and she smiled.

Suddenly Sharon felt very uncomfortable. Did she think that she and Robert were a couple? Sharon didn't want her to think so!

Robert pulled her towards the bus, away from Tarja.

"Or what do you think?" Robert suddenly asked and poked her arm. "Shonnie?"

"What? Oh," Sharon said. "Sorry. I drifted away."

"That never happened to you before," Robert mumbled and looked at her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Sharon persisted. "What were you saying?"

"I was telling you that Tarja is the coolest teacher you'll ever have," Robert repeated and Sharon's heart skipped a beat.

"I guessed so," she said and shrugged.

"No, I mean even more than you already thought," Robert continued, obviously not seeing how much Sharon was really interested in the older woman. "She has been singing in a metal band before coming here. She already listened to some of our demos and -"

"What??" Sharon called. "You showed her our demos!?"

Robert understood her reaction in a wrong way again. "Damn, sorry ..."

"No, I meant -" Sharon inhaled. "She heard me sing them?"

"Well, yes," Robert said. "Sorry, I didn't know you would hate the idea of showing the demos to a professional."

"No, that's okay," Sharon said. They sat down on the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for their bus to arrive. "I was just a little shocked because ... uh, I don't know her yet. For me she's a stranger."

"You'll learn to love her," Robert assured and Sharon remained quiet.

She knew she would do that.

•

At home Sharon realised that she hadn't asked Robert nor Mona for Tarja's last name. Tarja had only introduced herself with her first name and every student seemed to call her Tarja. Not Miss ... something.

Sharon had deactivated her Facebook account as she had moved to the hospital for those few months, she hadn't wanted anyone to spam her profile. But now it was time to get it back and let the stalking begin.

Sharon switched on her laptop and after some time of waiting she opened the internet and only a few seconds later she was back on her page. Easier than she had thought, but now it would get hard.

She thought.

She typed "Tarja" into the searching bar and immediately was suggested "Tarja Turunen".

"What?" Sharon mumbled in surprise as she noticed that the picture of this Tarja could be indeed her Tarja, at least she could spot black hair on that woman. Wondering why it had been that easy to find her she clicked on the picture and immediately knew why.

_Robert Westerholt and 18 more_ _mutual_ _friends._

"Get outta town," Sharon mumbled and clicked on the mutual friends. Also Mona was her friend. And Floris and Noa and Anouk ... basically all her friends and those she didn't know a lot but well enough to be friends with them on Facebook.

But everything else was private, her profile said no age, no relationship status, nothing.

"Can't believe it," Sharon mumbled and clicked on Tarja's profile picture.  
She couldn't. Damn it. She leant forward but all she could spot was a black haired woman in a pink bikini, standing in the sea.

  
The picture made her nervous somehow.

Well - Sharon knew exactly why it made her nervous. She was a beautiful woman and she was wearing a bikini! It showed a lot of her body and tanned skin.

After minutes she caught herself staring and had to force her eyes to look away. Staring at her teacher like that was not okay!

Just one more look ...

Sharon took a screenshot of Tarja's profile, went into her gallery and opened the file to finally zoom into the picture. Of course it decreased the quality immensely but Sharon was satisfied. She had stared at the woman for some more minutes as a thought hit her.

Who had taken the photo? Tarja was posing in the sea and she didn't seem to be alone, judged by her pose. Or would she pose like that if she had asked a stranger to take a picture? Or her mother, sister, best friend?

Sharon knew she wouldn't pose like that if Mona or Rob were taking a picture of her.

She felt worried all of a sudden. Of course Tarja had a boyfriend, she was gorgeous. But why did she care? She was nothing else than a student for her.

Sharon deleted the screenshot and also closed the internet tab. Then she unlocked her phone, opened her book app and read on to take off her mind of Tarja.

It wasn't so easy, since the main couple of the book she was reading was a lesbian couple. With a sigh she put her phone aside.

She had known Tarja for a few hours only and she couldn't stop thinking about her already! Sharon was clueless. Was this how having a crush felt? She had never had one nor had she been in love. She had only known that she preferred women.

And she had been fond of some female celebrities before, like some singers or a few actresses. But a woman so close to her? A woman who knew her and a woman she could actually talk to? Never.

What should she do to to get rid of Tarja inside her head? She stared at the ceiling of her room.

The answer was easy.

She took her phone again and opened her contacts.

Prying that he would pick up, she called her best friend.

And of course he picked up, he always did.

"Hi, Shonnie."

"I'm bored, wanna meet?"

No matter what Robert was doing, he always had time for Sharon.

That way his answer was "Sure, when?"

Sharon knew that she was using him but Robert didn't seem to mind. He loved her, loved spending time with her, why shouldn't Sharon benefit from it?

"Anytime," Sharon answered. "Wanna come over?"

"Yep, let me just gather my things," Robert said. "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know but we could continue watching our series that we stopped when I went to the hospital."

"Either that ... or ..." Robert was hesitating.

"Rob? What is it?"

"I have a maths test in two days and I don't understand anything. You had an A last year, maybe you could help me?"

"Oh, sure," Sharon said. "Just bring your stuff and I'll have a look at it."

Of course also Robert was taking benefit from Sharon, since she was older than him and a year ahead at school. And smart.

"Okay, see you in thirty minutes then," Robert said and Sharon sensed that he was smiling like a fool. It broke her heart ... if she could only tell him that she didn't feel the same way as him. But she wanted to keep him as a friend so bad ...

It was too complicated. Sharon once again understood why she had cut herself. Of course she wouldn't tell anyone and she certainly wouldn't do it again. But she understood why she had done it, to take her mind off of those things. Especially Robert, who loved her. And whom she loved. But not like she maybe should ... or wanted to.

Deciding not to think about it anymore she went downstairs to prepare food and drinks for Robert and her.

"Rob is coming over soon," she informed her mother. "He needs help with maths."

"What did he do without you during the last months?" Sharon's mother asked and Sharon shrugged.

"Ask him."

"I guess I will," Willemina den Adel said and watched her daughter prepare cheese, crackers and grapes. "How's school?"

"Okay," Sharon replied and then, after some hesitation, "we have a new English teacher. She's from Finland."

"I've heard about her," Willemina answered and nodded. "Lisa told me about her. She must be quite cool, her daughter seems to love her. You remember Cornelia?"

"Sure." Sharon didn't want to talk about Cornelia now, she wanted to talk about Tarja. "Tarja, that's her name. And she's really cool indeed. Rob also likes her, he told me he has even showed her our first demos."

"He did what!?" Willemina's reaction was similar to Sharon's, though due to a different reason.

Sharon shrugged. "I freaked out too first but according to him she's a singer. He can tell you later." Sharon made sure that her mother would definitely ask Robert about their English teacher.

Then she carried the plates with the snacks upstairs. She placed them on her desk as she suddenly remembered the screenshot on her laptop. Had she deleted it?

Panicking a little, she swichted on her laptop again, only to see that she had indeed deleted the photo.

Phew. Good.

But only a few minutes later she caught herself on Tarja's profile again, scrolling through the few things that she could see, like photos she had been tagged on years ago.

What the -?!

She shook her head and closed the tab. How hadn't she noticed that she had started stalking her again? What if Robert had suddenly showed up?

She bit her lip, knowing that she should really tell him. He was her best friend and he would only support her.

She double checked that her door was closed and then she started practicing.

"Robert," she said quietly, just in case that someone was outside her room. "I love you. But not the way you love me. I'm sorry but I can't, Rob. I'm... I'm not interested in men. See, I'm interested in women." She took a deep breath. "Yes. I'm gay. A lesbian."

Sharon had never said it out loud.

Never before.

She sat down on the edge of her bed, her mind turning all of a sudden. "No one knows besides you, Rob. But you need to know that I do love you -"

Suddenly the door went open and Robert came in, staring at her with wide eyes.

Sharon stared back. How much had he heard?


End file.
